Every year, several churches in our community work together to offer "Perspectives". It's a 15-week course held at one of the participating churches that teaches about God's heart to redeem people from every nation and how He desires to use us in reaching them. Many different men and women come as guest speakers, most (if not all) of them directly involved in missions. They offer such unique and refreshing takes on God's Word and His heart for the nations - every week is different and amazing. To find out more, go to the Perspectives website at http://www.perspectives.org. Words cannot describe the intrinsic worth of this class.
A big part of my heart is in missions. I love seeing how God chooses to move in the hearts of people from different cultural backgrounds and experiences. I desire to go into the harvest fields and be part of His movement. I long to see people from every tongue, tribe and nation rise up and declare that Jesus is their Lord and Savior. Thus, I am retaking Perspectives this year. I took it last year, but only got halfway through – my life got a bit crazy during the second half, so I bowed out. Things have been up and down since then, BUT now it’s time to get everything back on track.
We had the first class on Monday night; the guest speaker was Steve Hawthorne. He is a most excellent instructor, so the whole class was great, of course, but he said one thing that really resounded with me. To paraphrase: “God will not scold you, coerce you or manipulate you to do (things) for Him.” When he said that, I got this beautiful image in my head – Jesus walked up beside me and took me by the hand, ever so sweetly and gently. As I turned to look at Him, He looked me in the eyes and nodded, as if to say “Okay, my darling, it’s time. Let’s go. Are you ready?”. I nodded back to Him, and we walked on.
***BACK STORY*** When I get overwhelmed, I tend to shut down emotionally and spiritually and go into "self-preservation" mode, which is more or less lockdown. I shut out those I love most, including (and especially) God, which is where I ended up last spring and why I'm trying to get everything back on track now.
So often, I feel that God is impatient with me as I stop to catch my breath in scaling this mountain, but that’s because I am impatient with myself, NOT because that’s how He really is. I forget that He understands me more that I understand myself – He knows all my faults, weaknesses, shortcomings and limits. He knows where I’m at and how I feel about/toward Him in every instant (which is constantly changing because of my fickle heart). AND YET, He loves me the same – constantly, patiently, unyieldingly, unconditionally… When I stop, He stops too – even though He certainly doesn’t need to stop. He offers to carry me – I refuse – “I can do it myself”, I say. He doesn't MAKE me let Him carry me; He simply nods, and we carry on. The cycle repeats. When will I get over my foolish, stubborn pride and accept His help? When will I accept that I cannot climb this Everest by myself, and, furthermore, that I was never meant to do it alone?
It's a work in progress, a day-to-day process – I'm a control freak trying to willingly relinquish control to One who isn't forcing me to give it to Him. *sigh* I'm thankful He's so patient with me. "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." ~ Psalm 73:26
